I tried to materialize

you singing to me,

tonight

in my mind

Only to realize my imagination has

lost it's touch

and become more old maid

than mermaid

or maybe

I just can't remember

what that's like,

anymore

Sinking into the softness of

devotion

the lull of Trust

like sleep.

Slowly the rain,

the wind the wine,

slowly

Breaking off in pieces,

this is how I come to learn

Myself again.

And in the mirror

the bruises bring me back

to the

Cycle of existential love

that turns its back

each time I bear my

Boiling blood.

And if I could pick up a guitar

right now

and play you what's inside me,

You would understand,

you would

love me right until

both our eyes were red

with it.

Eat Drink and Be Merry

Raise your glass, he said

Because all our worries

Tonight, their meaning is empty

Dreams like dying stars,

Memories fading into grayscale blurs and

Most importantly

Tomorrow is nothing because

We may never make it there.

Life is short but sweet, yes

Like a summer dress or

The hope love brings.

When you were young,

Everything felt much softer

Home was a lot closer and

It all looked a lot more like

Jesus.

Tomorrow, we die.

by the knife

help, i'm alive.

I'm still alive in here.

I want out.

this suburban war beats hotter

when the weather turns its cheek

something unspeakable

and we've started a war

neither of us can win.

so I stumble

only the wall here to

catch my drift

can you hear it beating? crumbling.

like (beneath) a hammer.

my liver is crawling with

the toxins of a past

holding tight enough to choke,

but it's okay.

It's okay.

lack of breath keeps me going.

the hard-edged touch

of my own hand,

not the caress of another

to bother with now, never.

the distance is nothing new,

me and you

we got this down just right

tight and tighter

until it snaps and we

fall away. apart.

the insatiable needs

crawl inside me and vomit

stale pleas,

mutual self-destruction at best

and now i select my future

from a pile of dusty closet cards

that remind me of false hope.

false prophets that smell like

my father

and run faster

than these dry eyes can blink.

the puppy sleeps and inside

inside i am screaming for nothing,

just screaming to hear myself

make noise

so i know

i am still alive.

we swallow hard such harsh words

and i never told you but

that night

i was testing your heartbeat

by the knife.

A White Winter Hymnal-

Is that so much to ask?

I was following the pack

All swallowed in their coats

With scarves of red tied around their throats

To keep their little heads

From falling in the snow

And I turned around and there you go

And, Michael, you would fall

And turn the white snow red as strawberries

In the summertime

lyrics by Fleet Foxes

Tonight

Wine sours in my stomach

and I finally see it clearly,

We are all the walking dead.